SD-XIV

It hurts.It hurts more than anything else.Feels more than just a betrayal.It seems like everything I hate just comes back at me.With dishonesty topping the list, foul language follows closely behind.Allegations.Let’s see how I go about them.I’ll start with him.He lied to me.Lied to me about their relationship, about how he felt for her.His defense, at first he was confused, later he was worried I’ll get tensed about it.Why on earth would the fact, that he likes her a lot, get me tensed when this was the first reason I introduced him to her.And talking about my feelings for him, I made them clear long ago.So that does it with that.Now let’s move onto her.Ah...my best friend.First, best friends don’t hide things from one another.Second, best friends don’t keep their friends messed up about things.They either let them on things or they don’t.You say your mind when you are best friends.But somehow I never get that from her, do I?I always have to nag and dig it out from her.Her defense: she can’t say a thing on it so she passes the ball to him at this point.I am frustrated, sick and tired of this now; getting entangled because of little things, always having to compromise on things that matter to me, with them and everybody else too.Now tackling both of them at once, stay with me on this one.I am trying my best to get these two people to start realizing the potential they have for a good relationship( of any and probably every kind starting from friendship to maybe true love), trying to get them to come clean about their feelings.All I get is denial and lies.Fine, I can handle that.Deny what you feel, lie about it…still tolerable.But seeing them so disturbed I apologize for messing up their mind with feelings they didn’t want to have (or so I am made to believe).Yet what snippet do I catch on to??Ah…and here’s the best part.Confessions have already been made and I am left to assume the rest on my own…And this too, I have to nag and dig out of them.Why, you would ask??Simple. They don’t tell me to stay out of it, they don’t tell me what’s going on either.They let me hang there in the middle of the two, always wondering whether I need to be there or not.Now comes my favorite part, despite all that has happened so far, they both are happily enjoying their time together unaware of my misery at knowing just the top of the mountain, or at being fed a pack of lies or having things hidden by my best friend.Only when I call and demand an explanation, do they come to know that oh, they have hurt me in some way.And these two people I must tell you, are the ones I put very close to my heart.Her being my best friend of five years, he being the only guy with whom I shared all my joys and sorrows ( with the exception of my many net pals).And while I am at it, lemme tell ya how I’ll introduce them to someone:Meet my one-way-only-pals.Their mantra,“I’m there for your joys and sorrows and I’ll share my joys wid u too.I am there for all your problems, I’ll help ya thru them.What, my problems, nah, I fight them on my own, sorry.”Nice friends right?See, that’s my problem I don’t know how to appreciate god things in life…

P.S: In retrospection

These frustrations are recurring. I have learned now that they are unavoidable.Our natures are such that we can't help it.It can mature out eventually but that will take time and love.
So we stick it out with each other somehow, softening the edges, loving and sharing life with one another.