SD-VIII

It’s a different road, the one I am treading so cautiously. A constant fear is gnawing at my heart. I have no support, no crutches whatsoever. If I fall I may dare to hope against hope hopen that a kind hand would be offered to help me get back on my feet.Every step I take on this road is a step away from the safety of the known.It is a step into unknown darkness where I hope to find my inner light, the meaning and purpose of my existence. Yet I have neither the confidence of treading ahead nor any comfort in what I am doing. That small worm of fear still gnaws at my heart.Fear that this inner-call to self discovery might as well be a hoax.Each moment of decision before the next step seems to stretch for an eternity.The shrill screams of broken rules falls on deaf ears, as I continue my journey into uncertainty.As I wobble and shake, anxiously, maybe even cautiously, peering into the darkness of myself, a foot midair, paused, the mind heart and body enter the realm of decision making.Yet, even once the decision made, the foot finds itself ahead of the other, light and still cautious.Once in a while when I rest on the roadside, the old world rushes back for rendezvous.Familiar faces, sights and sounds, the certainty in my step, all return.Then the eyes open and I resume my journey into the unknown and uncertain.The road ahead is now giving away in patches.I observe the chaos in me as another decision making moment stretches into eternity.To take that final giant leap forward, to the point of no return, before the ground under me gives away?? Or to run back into the shelter of safe certainty??Perplexed, the mind turns it over, churning, processing, and begins weighing the pros and cons. While the heart fills with myriad emotions aroused by memories of a happy past, fading now, to make way for the memories of the future.A silent prayer escapes asking a blessing of clarity be bestowed and the better choice be made.