Learning.

Learning: About Dreams…

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Visualize your dream. And let it go. Then, work with what you get to make your dream come true…

Don’t set up positions for people in your life. This isn’t a play. It’s your life. Stop writing out characters and then looking for someone to play them. Let those who matter find their own space in your heart and your life…

Stopped counting...

Someday We’ll Know

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I bought a ticket to the end of the Rainbow,
Watched the Stars crash into the Sea,
If I can ask GOD just one question,
Why aren’t you here with me?
As mine…
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SD - XXXVII

Always searching for someone when I looked in the mirror…today…I see…myself.

And I smile. I am beginning to know myself…befriend me…thinking to myself, ‘Hey, I like this girl I see…’ …after all this time of searching I find my strength…within me…I am my strength…not just my courage, not just my pain, not just my confidence or the lack of it, not just my resilience etc .…it’s all of me…good bad and ugly…I am my biggest most unfailing strength and I am my biggest weakness…it’s all about what I choose to make of myself…

SD - XXXVI

It’s all coming true. Just when I let go, I get all I ask for. Like always. J Everything that I wish for shall come true…just a matter of time…and place…and people…lol!!!

That’s what I ask for, isn’t it? A moment. With a place. Or a person. Or a feeling. But all I ask for are moments…do I dare ask for more????

Yea, I do. I want more from life…I want to live more, fuller and richer, with more learning, with more belief, more faith…

I wish for family. I wish for health of my parents. I wish for someone to come home to…one person, maybe a whole family to come home to…I wish I come home to the same people every time…..

I am here. I am where I wanted to be. It’s all happening. Everything I wished for is coming true.

SD - XXXV

The lights went off. I looked at him. Candlelight. His eyes. Beautiful eyes. Conversing with mine. And the world suddenly seemed different.

One moment, just one moment, stretching into an eternity. Lifetimes of separation and togetherness all lived in that one moment.

Stranger. And yet he felt like the oldest friend.

His smile. Starlit. Sparkling in his eyes. Innocently mischievous.

Something about that smile. It stayed with me. Those eyes, that moment. It all just stayed with me.

Warm. Loved. Cherished.

I sleep, smiling…

SD - XXXIV

Strange things are happening. Feels like I am once again on the edge. I can fall either way…stability seems so far away. Home feels like something distant and unknown. I am losing, losing the security of familiarity. Maybe it’s a price I pay for finding myself. On the edge once again, I feel so alive. And yet something in me feels so dead. It is as if I have lived and died in just one moment. I am mourning and celebrating simultaneously. Life is finding itself through the winding paths of every day existence. Don’t know where I am headed. Don’t know if I’ll have company. Don’t know if I’ll get there. Don’t know.

No future. No past. Just this moment. Could life be? In just this moment? For just this moment?

Security. I know I need it. Coming Home.

SD - XXXIII

A tornado is needed once in a while to take your life in the right direction.

Sometimes, only the strong wind can break shackles that we will never have the strength to break on our own.

And, maybe, just maybe, I am glad that the tornado came last September.

SD - XXXII

On the road to discovery - again ...
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Shattered Dreams. Humbled Spirit.

I pray, for

Faith. To free myself from bitterness.

Courage. To find myself anew.

Hope. To dream again

Strength. To nurture my dreams into reality.

Love. To live.

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Overwhelmed...

SD - XXXI

On the road to discovery ~ once again

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At some crossroad not so long ago, friends decided to turn left. No discussions, no deliberations. Just their own pure choice. A choice which had a greater impact on my life than I had imagined. In the light of the events I began, as always, to look for lessons. After all everything happens for a reason. And I find myself disovering life anew, like a child. Discovering myself and the people around me all again...


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Change only takes away that which has no place in those moments of your life...

SD - XXX

Learning : Moving on

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Maybe I am stupid. Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I am selfish. It doesn’t matter. None of it does. It seems like I can’t face the truth. I know I can. And I know I have.

Yet, I don’t feel like moving on. It doesn’t seem like something I want to do. I want to stay. Right here. My ex has moved on along the road. So have my best friends. But I want to stay here just a bit longer, wrapped up in the memories of the days gone by. I want to stay just a bit longer, listening to echoes of our laughter, feeling our pain and our joys, shared not so long ago. Yes, I want to stay here a while.

The guy I liked, I guess decided to walk away quite some time ago. I can’t say it doesn’t hurt. But, like always, its okay. I can’t say I had no expectations. I had the expectations one has of one’s friends. I have nevertheless decided to stay. For how long, I don’t know. When it feels like the time to move on has come, I will move on along. But for now, I want to sit down right here; I want to talk in this silence.

Dreams may have broken. And I am picking up the pieces, smiling, through tears sometimes, remembering, the hues I painted my dreams in, the symphonies and melodies they resonated with…

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It all may seem childish to many. And I believe many will say ‘Grow Up!!’. Rest assured, I shall resist with all my strength. Growing up doesn’t mean having to let go of the magical wand of faith. It doesn’t mean giving up the charms of innocence and hope.
What’s the point of mere existence anyways; why not live an enchanted magical extraordinary life??

I may have rose-colored glasses on. But why not see the world through rose-colored glasses for a while? Try them on and watch your life take a new meaning !!

SD - XXIX

Another Lesson Learnt...
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Live Life in moments.

Don’t add up the moments to make days, months and years.

Let the moment be born.

Live it to the fullest.

Let it die, leaving just memories.

Expecting the essence of the moment, the emotion, to stay or follow in the next moment is merely trying to drag the experience.

Live it. Then let it go.

Only then will your life be rid of expectations and spontaneity will sparkle, in each experience, in the novelty of each moment.

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Moments don't last ; emotions don't last ; that's why we cherish memories.....

SD - XXVIII

A letter to an old friend, continuing a ritual I started 2 years ago...
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Hey Adi
I know it’s been long since I last wrote to you. Lot has changed since then. It seems like the cycle which started back then is now coming to an end. I am different person. And hopefully I am a better person now. I have found some direction as to what I am to do with my life. Yet, I search for answers. Answers to who I am? Answers to who I want to be with? I told you not so long ago, that I am broken and that I am starting from scratch. Well, Adi, I have somehow rebuilt a part of me, a part of my life. Yet, there is this sense of being incomplete. In one of my earlier mails I wrote to you about the difference between being alone and being lonely. I somehow feel lonely, Adi. I know it’s not time yet. I know that love shall come to me when I let go of this craving I have for it. It’ll come to me Adi, I know I just need to be patient. Yet, like I have told you so many times before, it’s tough. It’s tougher now that I am always, well almost always, honest with myself.

And it’s not just about one guy Adi. It’s about everyone in my life. This time around it’s about all the people in my life. And it’s about relationships. It’s about me trying to find that balance between being alone and being in company. It’s about me learning to give others space and not cling on to them. It’s about me learning to deal with my insecurities. Yes, I am insecure now, because I have found people I love and I know I want to share my life with. And I am so scared of losing them, Adi. I am just so scared and insecure.

I know this to shall pass. I know that this is a part of life’s learning. But Adi, I hate it when pain is the teacher. I hate it when suffering is the teacher. I hate it when hurt is a part of the learning.

I just re-read everything that I ever wrote. And every word that I wrote gives me strength. The words speak of some challenge I faced, some fear I conquered, some new lesson I learnt in life. And I once again find it in me, to surpass the pain, the suffering, the fear, the hurt, the insecurity and reach the learning.
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SD - XXVII

Just realized.
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I may never get what I so desperately want. Yet having it fill up my dreams is worth the pain and anguish.

I may not be able to keep forever what I have right now. But even having it, for this moment feels like a blessing, disguising the fear and pain which may follow.
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For miracles to happen, you have to let go of the expectations...